By most standards, I’ve really been letting things slide lately. Like really, I’ve hit a new productivity low.

Hi, yes, still existing over here. One of the many things that I haven’t given time and attention to lately is, well, this. And the laundry. And the gym. And my work. And doing much of anything that doesn’t revolve around my kids. And can I tell you… I love them, but I’m beat.

Spring Break can really put you through the ringer. I am not sure I’ve ever appreciated school quite this much. I do love the time that I have to spend with my kids and enjoy putting the focus on our time together but boy, they have a way of taking things next level.

I’ve barely opened my eyes before I have small human demanding food, assistance brushing teeth, a request to wipe another butt and a meltdown over socks. Once we’ve tackled the basics I am met with requests for the zoo, the museum, ice cream, bike rides, play dates and an absurd amount of bubble gum. Off we truck to entertain their grubby little faces and I do enjoy it, I really do. But then, I want a break.

“What are are doing next?” Umm, how bout a nap, kid? We have incessantly filled our days with fun to the point that a trip to Home Depot incites a riot. We’ve scoped out every kid-friendly space in a 15 mile radius (including the McDonalds play place) over the past 6 days. Meanwhile, I have done little for myself, am surviving off of snacks and have spent approximately 15 minutes alone. This is fun kids, right?! Everyone is having fun, RIGHT?!

To top it off, I feel guilty about it all. Guilty that I haven’t been productive. Guilty that I lose my patience. Guilty that I plop my kid in front of the TV for a few minutes of solitude. Guilty when I can’t fight the fight and give in to the tantrum. Where does this guilt come from and why the hell do we have such ridiculous expectations for ourselves and our kids?

As Shefali Tsabary says in her book “The Awakened Family”, we’ve been drinking the parental kool-aid. Much of our dysfunction, she believes, stems from society’s child-centric focus. From the start we believe that parenting is about our kids (seems innocent enough). We believe that we need to create and curate kind-hearted, good natured and respectable citizens (seems honorable enough). But who is to say that they aren’t already who they are expected to be? By taking on the role of curator and creator, we inherently believe that they are inadequate and it is our job to mold them into better beings.

We are so convinced that our kids must be exceptional that we do whatever it takes to help them “grow” into who we want them to be. Pay for the private school, sign up for all the classes, read all the books and give them every opportunity to be the best versions of themselves. So many of us have adopted the mentality that we must do it all, put them first and they will thrive. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your children, but maybe we get so caught up in what we want them to be that we forget to stop and appreciate who they already are.

At the end of the day, the best thing we can do for our children is be good role models. This doesn’t mean we become self-absorbed to the detriment of our kids, but it does mean that we should look inward and find ways to be the best versions of ourselves. With that, I’m grateful for this outlet and the glass of wine waiting for me tonight. This moment brought to you by 1.25 episodes of Pinkalicious.

And as far as the guilt goes, I think I’ll let it slide.