From Perfection to Purpose

The goal is not to have it all together. The goal is to continue to move forward and make progress. But what if you have no freakin’ clue where you’re heading?

I imagined that letting go of a desire to perfect the world around me would feel like a weight of my shoulders. Shedding expectations should be a release, right? Instead, as we started this journey and dove head first into putting ourselves out there, I found my anxiety steadily rising. As I articulated and faced my fears, I expected them to melt away., but if I’m honest, they continued their hold deep in my gut.

I recognize that it is easier said than done to really let it all go. Our focus on perfection is not a week long one-and-done exercise. It’s something that we will continue to focus on, struggle with and occasionally overcome. Screaming kids, uncertain futures, test overload, and a ridiculous amount of germs are just a few of the obstacles we will continue to face as we battle perfection. With that, as we continue our daily struggle to embrace the imperfect, we are shifting our focus to imperfectly examine the path we are walking, the roles we embrace and the destination we are marching towards.

Some people seem to have a linear path laid out before them. You know the ones; you may be one yourself, and that is awesome. They have always known the career they wanted to pursue and what they needed to do in order to get there. My childhood best friend describes her first moment of knowing her career as a young child playing with building blocks. She watched in amazement as her uncle, an architect, crafted magnificent boats and buildings from the blocks and inquired where he learned such a talent. She knew in that exact moment that she wanted to become an architect as well. Years of hard work, late nights in the studio, internships and plenty of grunt work later, she arrived at her destination and, I believe, truly feels fulfillment in her career as an architect. My husband had a similar career path and has always been able to clearly articulate his goals, put in the hard work and achieve them with flair. Recently, I’ve become more and more envious of the clear direction that some people seem to have. But, what about the wanderers?

I imagine our career paths as a journey across a river. Some people craft beautiful bridges to stroll across safely to the other side. Others hop from stone to stone, occasionally slipping and stumbling quickly to the next.

Hello, I’m a stone skipper. My path has always seemed to unfold before me just in the nick of time. I had no idea what I wanted to pursue in college, so I chose a generic liberal arts program. When in college, I still had no idea what I wanted to “be”, so I created my own major (ha, didn’t know you could do that, did you?!). After college, I was yet again struck with the unknown and decided to pursue a masters program hoping to hone in on a passion and find a career that would allow me to make a difference in the world. One masters degree and a job offer later, I jumped into a job completely unrelated to my fields of study. Years later, I found myself back in New York, fired from my job (woops), recently engaged (woo hoo!) and unexpectedly pregnant (woops again). I created a business that I knew would allow me flexibility to be with my growing family and soon assumed the role of “Mom” which brings us to present day. I have loved every step of my journey. I would not change a single part of it as each stage has brought important lessons, new passions and plenty of adventure.

Faced at a crossroads of defining my next path, I decided not to jump into anything for the sake of the next opportunity, but to take the time to find my footing. In my journey to date, I found it fairly easy to jump around and assume roles as they came my way, but I suddenly froze at the thought of intentionally designing my next steps.

This process, though scary, has been fascinating as it is taking me down an unexpected path to explore spirituality, self and a sense of purpose. I’m no longer trying to plan my life as I know that the unexpected is always just around the bend. All we can do is prepare ourselves the best we can for the unknown. In my search for the destination, I’ve been consistently reminded that it is the journey itself that I need to stop and enjoy.