I’m not afraid of much. Whether bungee jumping into a New Zealand river, sky diving out of a should’ve-been-decommissioned plane in the Blue Ridge Mountains, or crawling through unexplored cockroach spawning caves in Cayman, I wear fearlessness as a badge of honor. Except, for this…

Being bold in the form of spontaneity, adventure and willingness to take risks masked itself as fearlessness in my mind. I believed I had no fears because I felt I could conquer any adventurous task thrown my way but neglected to reflect on the inner anxieties that gnawed at me on the reg. It makes sense, then, that my greatest fears would surface in unexpected moments of quiet solitude.

As my kids began to spend longer days at school, I looked forward to soaking up the gift of time. I imagined my days would be spent finally (dramatic much?) doing things for myself. But as I honed in on that image, it became less and less clear. What does that day entail? A sense of panic crept in as I pictured my days full of groceries, mops and meandering about. After a few years of focusing on the physical work of raising young kids and completing the tasks that needed to be done, I started to wonder who I truly was if my primary role was no longer to be “Mom”.

As I sat on the beach marveling at a sunset over the Gulf of Mexico, my brain began to run wild in a frenzy to figure out who I would and could become. This is what we had worked for: to be here in this moment! We had so carefully crafted a life by design that somewhere along the way I had forgotten to ask… who was the architect and what on Earth was I trying to build?

Could I become a photographer? I enjoy pretty pictures. Should I take up crochet? I think that’s a thing again. Would my husband kill me if I opened an orphanage in Mexico? The answer is yes. I truly believed that if I could dream it, I could do it, but I was suddenly faced with the fact that I lost the vision of what I wanted to create.

It was in this moment that Karli and I found our conversations intertwining. Wait, you wonder what your next steps should be, too? But you have your shit together, how can that possibly be?! As we talked about how we could leverage this newfound bond in our search for meaning, it was there, in that quiet conversation, that our fears began to solidify. It started with one simple idea: Let’s share our story.

In true fearless fashion, we continued our conversations aboard a sea plane exploring the shores from up above. The bumpy skid across the water and dips in elevation couldn’t shake me; yet I was paralyzed at the thought of showing the world my struggles.

My fear, I realized, was rooted in my Type A desire for perfection. I could not fathom creating something that had not been 100% thought out, not knowing if what I were to create would be flawless, engaging and sure to entertain. In recognizing that my story was far from perfect, I tried to quit before I started.

I’ve often read that the best way to overcome a fear is to lay out the worst case scenario. I don’t tend to shout my insecurities from the proverbial rooftop, but having someone hold you accountable, make you address your fears and to do the damn thing anyway helps. So here goes:

What if no one is interested in what I create? So what, the purpose is for us to find ourselves, not to find someone else.
What if I’m just utterly un-cool and embarrass my trendy counterpart? She’ll get over it. Cool is overrated.
What if I continue to just fail to find a purpose? Hey, an honest look at taking something head on is admirable in my book.
How can I put an imperfect version of myself so… out there? Because there is no other way than to live than to be unapologetically, authentically you. Fight your fear of perfection.

Laid out matter of factly, I realized that I had nothing to fear but the fear itself. Whether you are intimately familiar with your repertoire of fears or just discovering them in unexpected places, know that you’re not alone. Bear with us as we put our lives out there and take up this battle. Sometimes it’s bold and daring and comes across as fearless and other times it’s riddled with holes and insecurities. Either way, the change in perspective is always appreciated. .