Let Go of the Outcome
“What you resist persists”
Detaching from the outcome is perhaps the most important part of manifesting your dreams, yet it can be dreadfully painful to accept. We all have visions, desires, and dreams that we hope to bring to fruition. Whether it’s a creative project, a specific career, or creating a family - our dreams are unique representations of our innermost desires - and when we take the time to think of them, they tend to be ridiculously specific.
Picture, for a moment, that dream partner you imagined a child. Hours that you spent imagining a future partner culminated in specific mannerisms, physical characteristics, personalities, and even concrete places and spaces. Our imagination is a beautiful thing capable of taking us to the edge of our thoughts, to imagine the experiences that beyond our reach.
While it is undeniably motivating to define specific goals or objectives, so often we get lost in the desired outcome and miss the desired experience.
When we focus on the beautiful ending we place a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves to succeed. It is in this place that fear, doubt, and resistance take hold. It’s no longer about the process of creation, but about the consequences of our actions and whether they result in success. Ironically, it’s this fear of lack, scarcity, and inability that ends up defining the experience we have. It’s the reason so many of us go on serial dates in our twenties, desperate to find a soul mate to settle down. It’s the reason so many of us stick with careers that feel safe, secure, and achievable. It’s the reason we choose the path of least resistance, safe in our knowledge that we control the outcome, we control the success.
To really venture into unknown areas, you have to be willing to go into the spaces that you so badly want to resist. In order to fulfill our innermost desires, we have to be willing to feel uncomfortable. Those creative passions that you brush off as hobbies. That small voice inside that encourages you to take an unexpected risk. The burning reminder that sits deep in your belly reminding you that you are here to do something more. We all experience these callings in different shapes and forms, but not everyone chooses to pursue them. Why? Because it’s effing hard. Because it’s easier to sit in mediocrity and enjoy a certain level of ease and success. Because we are so focused on the outcome, that we forget about the journey.
So, how do you suggest, we break free from our fear? You gotta choose it, son. You choose to face the things you resist and move forward anyway. No one said it would be easy, but some random person promised us that it would be worth it. When you choose to do the scary thing, to listen to the strange calling that doesn’t make sense - let go of the end result, and focus on pursuing it from a place of curiosity, a place of growth, learning, and opportunity. Define your success as the risk that you took, the lesson you learned, the emotions you felt, and the healing progress you made.
At some point in our lives, we learned that success was defined as the score we achieved, but this is your damn life and you are the only one writing the report card.
As I work on my project to create a children’s book, trust me, I feel all the feels. I’m not qualified. I’m not good enough. No one will want to read this. I don’t have the experience I need. Now isn’t the right time. I can’t justify it. My words will be judged. My worth will be on display. One silly project, bringing a creative idea to fruition has drudged up so much muck that I’ve thought often about throwing it all away. I’ve contemplated slowly slipping out the back door, finding an easier route, or pursuing another task that assured more outward success.
But then, I remember - it’s not about the outcome. This has nothing to do with whether or not I publish a children’s book. It has everything to do with my willingness to stretch my boundaries, to face my fears, and to live fully in the process. I am so grateful for everyone who has followed on this journey and I hope it inspires you to let go of the outcome and choose your own hard.
